Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize