i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
