Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
