You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
