So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
