New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
