i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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