we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
