Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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