Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize