You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
