Whod you bang
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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