Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
