He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
