ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
