Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
