I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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