some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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