the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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