We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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