a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
