ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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