i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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