he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
