hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
