Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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