my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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