Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
