why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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