Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
