You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
