i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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