Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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