8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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