Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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