I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
