There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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