just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize