Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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