just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
