her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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