you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
