i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
