I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize