home. puking in laundry basket.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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