I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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