Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
