Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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