9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
