I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
