awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
