when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
