im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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