He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize