I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
