"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize