new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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