i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
