when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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