Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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