I didn't shave. On purpose
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
