eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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