cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
