just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
