good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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