You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
