Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
