took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize