Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize