he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
