You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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