make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
