It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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