I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
