i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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