I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
