Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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