I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
