$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
