I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
