Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
