I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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