Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
