I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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