Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
