I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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