You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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