How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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