dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
