I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
