Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
