Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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