Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
