There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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