I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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