I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
