lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
