Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
