there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
