I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
