If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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